For Chapter 2
The story is amazing and well thought out. You capture the characters with amazing
accuracy and your skill as a writer is very impressive.
Please keep writing. I am in suspense!
- I figured I'd drop you a line to let you know Its a great story, really well-written and suspenseful, with nice character interplay. The plot is developing well and in my humble opinion its one of the best fan fiction stories I've read yet. Keep up the good work! Looking forward to chapter 10....
I have had many hobbies, but none of them "hooked" me like ST.
And now there is your writing on "The Race of Cain". Don't know if there are words enough to describe the awsome feeling I
get while reading. Wonderful interactions between Sarek & Amanda, amazing descriptions of
surroundings and most definitely written so that I feel as if I'm standing near
during it all. As if I'm part of what's going on.
Can't wait for the next chapters, hopefully you won't be long.
I love this story! Very well done with great detail and in character. I'm very close to finishing chapter 12. Oh, the suspense is killing me! I hope you're going to be posting more chapters soon. Is the mysterious person one of the doctors or nurses? Are there clues that I'm just missing? I know...I'll impatiently wait for more!
- I just happened upon this story yesterday and devoured all 12 chapters as soon as I could! It's very well written but I am still trying to work out who the observer in the shadows is
For Chapter 1
- And the stage is set...
WOW! Great setting up the scene, the big 3 there,
great Sarek and Amanda interaction. I like how Spock
reacts to the fact that Amanda was on Saavik's emergency
list. Who else does she have? And the "communication
problems" stemming from the intercepted letters...which
sever the friendship between Spock and Saavik. And cancels
out her promotion and her trip back to Enterprise. Have
to make a place for someone.
- I Love it!
This is poignant since this must be the year 2292
and that is the year Amanda will die. And I still want
Amanda to give Spock a good shake now and again :)
I liked the line ... Amanda smiled into her drink.
I am reminded of the scene in Amok time when she is
talking about Spock's "Teddy Bear" and she does the
same thing. I can really picture this.
Getting Saavik out of the way to put someone on the
Enterprise ... It seems like an important plot twist.
I like it.
Great job, Kerry!
- ::stares blankly at computer:: you do Amanda as well?
This is an amazing piece of work Erin, I could practically
feel Amanda's frustration. Spock's stubbornness was true
to form and well scripted (stupid non-Saavik woman has
to go and mess things up)
- First of all, as always, it was tightly written and
'looked' great. Second, I already forgive you for any
medical snafus that arise. We'll fix'em, k? Third of all....
WOW! What an opener!
So much going on at that 'cocktail' party. I love
the realism of Amanda knowing that they were coming
for her. Sometimes it works just that way, doesn't it?
I also loved her instinctive search for sight of her
son. Yes, she knows he's okay... but she has to see
that with her eyes.
Then the whammy when it's about Saavik and they're
directing the comment to Amanda, not Spock! I'm asking
myself.... "What? Why?"
I loved Amanda's reaction when Spock is not reacting
the way she thinks he should... "one good shake" Hehehehe.....
Such a perfectly *human* mother's reaction, from someone
who was just wondering when she became so 'Vulcan'.
Then, the twist... both Saavik and Spock think the
other is guilty of 'breaking it off'. What subterfuge
is this? Who is manipulating this puppet show?
And I haven't even gotten to the hybrid disease! Is
this something you've made up? I got the feeling that
maybe the disease and certainly the conspiracy that
they are speaking of is from a published novel. Am I
- Good touch using the song verses; sets mood.
"Amanda's eyes had their own twinkle as she thought
of someone who preferred the stars dominate over any
city lights, but for Amanda herself, it was good to
be back on Earth again." -- Excellent--a brush to remind us
of Saavik and set the stage for her illness discovery.
"Vulcan was definitely her home." I like this insight
into her, she is of Earth but her place is Vulcan. What
does she feel to breathe? I like all this so much. You
blend a personal feeling with her innate elegance that
is so uniquely Amanda
Also good is the first hint of Kirk not settling into
retirement well. Very good image, sweet and sad. What
is a captain without a ship?
"She hated seeing him risk his life." True mother!
I bet if she had lived to see their wedding, she would
be urging Saavik to leave Fleet! Though she knows her
love of the stars and of Fleet will keep her there--at
least until something/someone passes those in need of
The whole description section as the officers' approaching
her gave me terrible chills! Talk about scaring her
half to death!
I love the power you give Sarek, strength of character!
The whole thing with Spock and his separation from
Saavik is painful as it's meant to be: his flinching
on her name, his being stuck on Amanda insisting she
be on the emergency list... and I love Amanda wanting
to shake him!
You flow all this so well--moving from personal to
the impersonal and back, keeps the
tension and the speed running. This is completely gripping
and enchanting. I keep holding my breath in anxiety.
Mean you! Good job!!!
- Loved it. Three reasons--I love stories about Lady
Amanda, I love the way you were building up the way that
someone else was disrupting things between Spock and Saavik
(I'm very curious there), and I loved the way that you
put together the details about the Romulan children and
the IDIC epidemic (probably two of my all-time favorite
Star Trek novels). I can't wait to read the rest of the
- A great beginning! I really like this first chapter and look forward to the more. You are a very talented writer.
For Chapter 3
Definitely worth the wait. And what a spot to leave us at!! I was
going, no way, don't leave it there, more, more!!
Great! An-tici-pation!! I so want to know what was in those
letters. Great portrayal of Amanda, and interaction of Spock and
Sarek. I like Kirk's thoughts on what was happening. Especially his
feelings on being on the outside of the Aefren's circle.
And Amanda's question about men in Saavik's life. Interested ones?
Yes, but no one SHE has expressed an interest in.
And the plot thickens. Valeris intercepting messages. Naughty. And
Cartwright interfering with things. Bad boy! B/c they know Saavik
would not betray Spock like Valeris did. Even without the events of Genesis, her loyalty to him takes
precedence, even to Starfleet.
Looking forward to the rest. Bring it on!!
I just got a chance to read Race of Cain parts 1 and 2. Wow, another dramatic and beautiful story! Poor Saavik, poor Spock, mean Valeris. Liked how you worked in the Andorian with the moveable antennae and the idea that the species used to be enemies-- you are always giving a nod to newer series, aren't you? Also I loved the part about the Romulan song. And Saavik's nickname. And... well, just about everything! I can't wait for more.
I like that we are seeing this part through Kirk's eyes. Do we get a different POV with each section? When do we get Spock's? He's so obviously emotionally torn up... at least to those who know him. Kirk sees it, McCoy sees it and bless his bones, so does Sarek! I love him moving closer to Spock in support when the officers of the Aerfen attack him!
Those gals really let him have it! Guess Saavik has found some 'girlfriends' after all! That's a nice thought... that she's found and been able to embrace that camaraderie that only a group of women can have!
I'm still printing these chapters out to keep and read several times before I make comments! Keep them coming....
Oh, I'm hooked! More please.
I love the Amanda perfume thing, and the stories about "Savage".
You did a great job describing a hospital waiting room and the way people act in one, that's a situation most people have been in and your description paints a good picture.
I HAA HAA'ed at Amanda's response to the Alien Collector thing. "I'm sure you were accused ..." HAA
Your auxiliary characters are interesting. I have always liked Dannon Stuart so its good to see her again. It figures that she and Saavik would be good friends because she appreciated the way Saavik looked after Peter. Also Dannon is sort of a female Kirk.
- Thanks for taking your time to set this story up firmly and in detail. You've got me hooked. I'll be on the lookout for chapter 3.
- This story has me HOOKED! Seriously, it is written much better than most other stories I see on this site. You didn't have any spelling mistakes (to my knowledge) and you didn't forget any commas! Most everyone forgets commas! This story is so well written. No one is OOC, and when you finish it, think about sending it to a publisher! I am not overstating this! Think about it. And don't you DARE stop writing! Cya!
- Cripes! A cliffhanger! I hope you post the next chapter soon! Please!
For Chapter 4
- Oh, what a good story! I've just read through Chapters 1 and 2 and was beginning Chapter 3 - realizing that it's late & sleep calls, I still don't want to stop reading! I'm looking forward to reading more!
The cast of characters is getting bigger. I love the hybrids and how
real and unique you are making them. I can tell we'll all get
attached and then you're going to kill them off! Nice to bring
Rrelthiz back. Building on the Valeris getting into the message
system. Good use of McCoy sharing Spock's memories to tell about the
hybrids and about his feelings for Saavik from A Little Training
I love how you've given such personalities and characters to the
hybrids. Made more poignant by the fact that they are all going to
die except Saavik and the 3 on the orbital station. From Mourning. ;)
I rewatched the Undiscovered Country yesterday, so I am anticipating
your Valeris - Saavik scenes you were working on.
Odd thought. On the hybrid Micar, how did he lose a finger? Did he
meet a certain little cat with a Romulan soldier's knife?
Thanks for all of your delightful writing and creative stories, it
gives me something to enjoy and something to strive for and seek to
emulate. I love the layers you put into your writing!!
I liked chapter three. Some one else already mentioned it, but I'll reiterate, I like that Spock takes the time to speak to each hybrid personally. I love that they know him and respect him still as their 'savior'.
I like that McCoy wants to be with Saavik and feels so strongly about her health and welfare. That feels right. I am eager to see Spock's first encounter with her.
I love it. It gives faces to those children who up to now have only
been some figures, and it is a very interesting, however sad thing to
follow McCoys thoughts there.
The re-appearance of Daniel and Sorel as a team again is great, I love thse two books with them in, and your story will surely end up in my shelf next to them! :))
And what a cliffhanger in the end...
Wow, what a great way to start a Monday morning.
All our favorite healers are here. Surely they will have some luck:)
I like the changing POVs in the different chapters.
I liked the portrayal of Daniel Corrigan too. Sorel, T'Kar, Daniel,
and was it T'Mir? I like that whole set of characters. Also the
brother who lives on the other side of Vulcan.
Also the pediatrician. I'm glad he's still alive :)
For Chapter 5
This is a good chapter Kerry. It sets the stage for Kirk's involvement.
It will be interesting to see if Kirk's attitude toward Saavik changes now that he knows he background.
Also interesting is the contrast between before and after SFS. Before it seemed like Kirk and Spock were sometimes leaving McCoy out of the loop, but now that McCoy has been in Spock's head...
Good intro for the Jdehn character. I like the characterization.
Saavik denies her Romulan side, Jdehn her Vulcan. Does Jdehn embrace
her Romulan side ... We shall see, huh?
- What an excellent story! It's always good to return to Vulcan, and to see Sarek and Amanda.
I enjoyed your descriptions of places, and the small ways in which you tell how the characters are affected by what is going on.
Poor Saavik! I hope they'll find a cure for this disease soon.
This story kept me very very interested. Continue with the great work!
Damn it, now I remember why I hated to read those sequel stories in the newspaper! One gets fed tasty little pieces and then at the end is set on diet ;)
Nice to see Kirk again, and I really can him hear saying those words
I also feel you have a great story line, it really takes a very good synopsis to write such a big thing and keep it going. :)
For Chapter 6
- How can you only have six reviews on this? I have read this on your amazing Saavik/Spock website. I hope you get around to revealing the 'dark figure' soon. I would like to wring their neck!
- I LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You caught all the frustration of Kirk and McCoy and Amanda just perfect. And I LOVE
how you've written our Hellguard children here!! I'm continually torn between tears and
laughter and wanting to cuddle them and wanting to duck!! Damn this is PERFECT!!! You
keep true to every character, to their details and past and tendencies, to what they
really would do.
Very nice seting!!! A place as neutral as you can get and still avoid Starfleet!!
Amanda is written perfectly. You've kept her essential ladyness yet also her power and her humor and her tender heart and fierce temper. You have done her justice in the writing.
On the part about T'Pren's family rejecting Saavik's request for mementos of her -- I about cried. It wouldn't have hurt them any if some kid got a picture to treasure and honor but they still reject even this bit of help. Bastards. Vulcans can carry the pride and honor thing too far. Just as their Romulan cousins. And I think they were afraid also to give the request.
On Saavik's entrance, I cheered out loud. YES!! I loved her whole power struggle with Mekhai -- it's very strong and intense and good--I love how Saavik dives in and guards and how neatly Amanda defuses the rest of the way.
Regarding the power struggles -- FANTASTIC. they are still predators and at already high remembrance of hellguard, they respond instinctively over a primal old fear--the need to fight to eat, for dominance, making even a simple meal a nightmare. I wonder the frustration of the Vulcans on that ship from hellguard who had to start this untraining. I like how the others watch Saavik first, to see what she will do. As good as she is and was, they would have known from sore experience that Saavik is trouble and Mekhai still is smarting! She was and still is one of the best of them. Or worst, depending on how you're looking at it!. She is, of this pack, a definate alpha female. Even here, in civilization, they fall into the habit. And Saavik, tries to show it is okay by removing her inherent challenge. But they are still wired in old habit and locked in the single moment before all out war.
Damn how I'd have hated trying to field these guys on that ship from hellguard! I'm surprised even Vulcan patience didn't snap and space them all. With the silverware.
Saavik will have the ability, given her old and still retaining position, to do a lot of good or a lot of damage to the rest of the hellguard children. She is a leader and a turning point and I wonder if you are building this for something needed ahead. Cause she would not want to be involved, to fall back (in her view) into her past but if she was needed. . . .they are, in a very sick way, a family. Deeply disturbed and disfunctional family but still a family. There is responsibility there.
I'm glad to Rrelthiz in the story! I enjoyed her in "Training Cruise", and you immediately made her a great character to read about in this!
Last, I enjoyed you bring your characters Stron, T'Mes, and Soluk from Mirror Fires in this universe.
I love it (content, language, descriptions, characterization).
A very good chapter, IMHO :)
I can imagine what kind of nightmares, with her past!
"I try to see her everyday. She doesn't get many visitors, Len." Amanda sounded defensive. --
Her friends from her ship would be there if they could. But otherwise, it's a small pool.
I'm two steps away from throwing them in a room together and not letting them out until they deal with the whole thing."
-- Definitely a good idea.
"At least she can walk down to the ward and have Vi'hai and the others for company until we straighten this out."
-- OH no! The LAST thing any of them want to do. Someone needs to explain a few more details to Kirk. Before he puts his foot in his mouth.
McCoy saw everything that meld years ago between Spock and Saavik had revealed: her desperate bid to keep the guards from T'Pren allowing the woman to escape. And the story has a lot of bad turns to it at the
end. Steer clear of that if you ask her." -- Then someone else is gonna have to tell Kirk before he starts sulking again. Of course, mentioning this much will just make him more curious! He needs to go re-read that file. And read about Saavik's section, and her medical file.
Kirk asked, "If T'Pren knew Saavik, why didn't she bring her along when she
escaped?" -- Isn't that the question! And the consequences of if she had!
"Just live through it. It's not going to be fun, and she's kind of giving a tidal wave the finger right before it hits her rowboat, but it's certainly an option.
-- I love that image. And how very Saavik!
*We are so going to get our asses kicked.* -- I Love that!! So true, though.
Vulcans had their own version of "The female of the species is more deadly than
the male." Spock once told him that a popular saying in Pre-Reform days was,
"If you think our men are ferocious, wait until you meet our women." -- Definitely true!! And if some one is threatening those close to her...
Three Vulcans stood purposefully behind them and to the side, dressed in the
uniforms of the Vulcan Science and Exploration Division. McCoy felt a wave of
relief. *What do you know? The cavalry was here.* -- NOW, they show up. Great to see
saw with a beard, and if that powerful gaze was aimed at him, he'd shake. -- Oooh, what an image!
But Jdehn was scoffing at Mehkai. "It's got nothin' to do with passin', you moron, it's just not smart to wear a sign that shouts 'I used to be a Romulan'." --
I like her!!
"Well, lookit her!" Mehkai stabbed a finger at Saavik. "Sittin' there like a
tame pet! She's the worst of us ... "I had no intention of lying." --
Not a denial or protest, just a statement of fact! She knows very well what she was. And after she had a knife and the others did not...
Then Amanda spoke with a voice both gentle and teasing. "Do I have to take the
silverware off the table?" --
THIS is wonderful!!
Again, she bent her will against him. "*Quiet*." --
And he just backs down. WOW! Great, you catch her physicality, how fast she moves, how she's there between Amanda and the threat of Mekhai without them even seeing her!
Arik grinned, and it made his plain features alight with beauty. "That and a whole lot more." --
He's a great character, I'm glad you won't kill him off!
"Never waste food, *never*. You can't swear you have a next meal comin'." The former captain nodded solemnly. "You're right. I'm sorry." --
Harsh reminder for everyone what these people went through as kids! And how it has shaped them.
Saavik spoke, the tense lines around her mouth revealing the depth behind the simple words. "Impossible. It no longer exists."...
Saavik spoke again. "Not them. Me." --
YES!! The power in those few words! You know she'll have to tell them how later.
Cracks showed tonight through her control and for the first time in years, Hellguard peered through. --
She's letting things she hasn't spoken of to anyone come out and aspects of herself that she really tries to keep down are coming to the fore. And Kirk and McCoy are having to look at her and KNOW what she did to stay alive.
Jdehn was still fuming. "What if we describe them in a lower volume?" "That is acceptable." --
That is SO Amanda! LOL!!
Returning to the tricorder returned their bad tempers. "Has Micar seen you?" Jdehn asked Saavik incredulously. --
Yes, Kerry, that asks to be told!!
But limited because she didn't want to see past victims and offenders, or
because she had feared this old behavior would reappear? --
Reminds her of what she was and how far she has come. And now it's all coming up again. And just wait for Phase II!
Besides, Mehkai is lean meat. She'd hone in on him before your bony ass." --
They just tell it like they call it!
That's what brought the image back now - that same look around the eyes. --
GOOD CALL!! Again, she's balancing what she has strived to be with what she was.
A few eyes darted at Saavik who appeared the epitome of Vulcan calm and Arik's attention stayed the longest. --
Appeared. We know how hard she has worked for that calm. And how much emotion she feels. And how she wonders if she will be able to control it if she lets it out. Even as late as VH.
For the first time, he scored over her and didn't stand down under the weight of her will. He
moved no further either, but still glowed with the victory. --
Ouch! Point for him!
McCoy saw Amanda become acutely aware of their audience and her loss of ground.
She still leaned over to whisper to him, "Pick a room, any room. I have to
throw two Vulcans into it." --
And stand back!!! Otherwise they are just going to avoid each other, be cooly polite, and not want to go into it. They've both been hurt, and talking about this will hurt both of them. Plus there are some LOADED issues to be brought up. Not that Spock tells her what's in his letter.
"My people believe in honor which must include revenge for those who wrong us,
as we make reparation for committing a wrong ourselves." --
I like her too. Thanks for bringing her back!!
"What is it? Friend Saavik, if indeed I said something wrong--"
Is she going to kick Saavik into talking? They had spoken of much before. I am waiting for her to ask Saavik if she or Spock are mated. That was a loaded question from before, and we know how it made Saavik feel!
He saw her. They said nothing except with their locked stares. --
And they both just freeze! Talk about a loaded moment. Somebody needs to KICK them. Definitely put them into a room together and nobody's coming out til they TALK!!
When McCoy looked up again, Saavik was gone. --
Back to running away. This whole thing is really gonna test her and shake her view of herself. Of what she was, what she strives to be. And it's only going to get worse!
Excellent!! This is the Saavik who we love, seeing her battle to leave Hellguard behind her, trying to be a Vulcan and Starfleet officer. That balance of control and passion, of feeling and being.
I was waiting for Mekhai to call her little cat, prompting questions by Kirk as far as what her name means. Interesting, interesting!
Bring it on!!
This is not an easy fiction to breeze through. Before you ask, that is NOT a bad thing. I often find myself whisking through fics in a matter of minutes. I'm not able to do it with Cain and I like it...
I liked Chapter five much better than four. For some reason, Kirk's train of thought in four was hard for me to follow. Some of the sentences were very long and I kept losing the point. But, I liked and believed that Spock and Sarek found a way to let him in on the events of Hellgaurd and the exact nature of the hybrid's beginnings. I loved that line from Kirk, about not acting like him when he's acting like a five year old..... very telling and it sounds just like something he'd say to his dear friends.
The ending of chapter four, with Jdehn being knocked unconscious by the mystery figure made me think that she wouldn't show up on Vulcan... but there she is and now I'm very wary of her.... Who is she and why was she attacked and why don't we know anymore about this attack???? Very tricky, Kerry!
I loved chapter five! I giggled through the whole dinner scenario. I have no idea if it was supposed to be funny, but I kept seeing a group of rambunctious ten year olds trying to best each other..... But in the midst of the humor, the stark evidence of the lives they lived on Hellgaurd, brought forth by their bickering and body language and their memories of the others as they looked at their pics, was chilling.
So, Saavik was the big 'man' on planet... she bested them all.... and they never forgot
that. I think that may be good, esp. now that they are on her turf again and she feels so
protective of what's hers: Amanda and her home, and maybe even Spock eventually. It's also
very telling that despite the falling out she's had with him, she demands that the new
arrivals remember who saved them and respect accordingly.
That one line meeting of Spock and Saavik was perfect.... It said just enough without telling us anything!!!!!!! I want this confrontation, Kerry. If Amanda doesn't throw them in a room soon, I'm throwing you in a room! A padded room.....
Just wanted you to know I've loved Race of Cain so far! but I am
spending all my time hanging on a cliff! and I can't stand it but I
still sorta love it. And I might go through what I've read, at some
point, and tell you all the particular things I liked, but it would
be a big job! so I'm procrastinating.
I loved the part where McCoy says throwing them in a room
together & not letting them out til they resolve the problem
themselves IS A GOOD IDEA, something perhaps he'd want to remember in
case he ever has the two of them in his care, unconscious and in pon
farr after overthrowing a Romulan praetor, heeheehee! Yes, I catch
your little references to other works. Very clever they are!!
For Chapter 7
- Hurrah! There's more! At least you gained a few reviews since the last time. I wonder what Saavik's plans are.
Uh-Oh! Somebody's gonna get her butt kicked!
Only one complaint. It stopped at the bottom of the page, and I
wasn't ready to stop! Sigh.
Yeah, Saavik's awake!
Things are getting more and more complicated.
So now Saavik's on inactive duty. Not what she needs to hear when
all she wants to do is give meaning to her life. She just wants to
be in the stars and work with her shipmates as long as she is able.
Spock's admitting what he'd done to Valeris really threw me... but then, I haven't seen that movie in forever and so I don't have the whole background...
Seems to me that Sarek and Amanda have sort of switched roles..... She's aghast and he's taking it much calmer than expected....
The last scene with Amanda and Saavik was excellent. I don't know Valeris, but I think I'm
pitying her right now..... Saavik is looking for her butt!
Saavik and Valeris' confrontation scene (coming up in Ch 8):
CATFIGHT! I'll get the hose, but I won't use it unless Valeris is
I really liked to see a bit of Saavik's relationship with Amanda.
There is very little in any of the fics I've read of good, in depth
analysis of this relationship.
When Saavik wiped Amanda's tears with her sleeve, I.... gulp!
I LOVE this echo of Saavik's thoughts to Amanda's words.
...Not to sail amongst the stars again...
...To be declared already dead.
A plak tow Saavik who just found out I betrayed her 3 different times and now I threaten Spock's life...
Ooooh... yeah, it gives me shivers to think about it. And I can't wait to read that confrontation.
I really liked this chapter too. That's scary how the disease
parallels events in the hybrids' lives. It's like someone's trying to
make a statement about the hybrid project, using people as the
medium. That's just terroristy. I can't wait to see Saavik kick the
person's butt who did it. (Is Valeris behind the disease? Is Saavik
gonna get her for it? No, I don't want you to answer those questions!
Well, I do, but I want you to do it by posting more chapters!)
For Chapter 8
- This is interesting. Will Valeris sign?
- Hi, "Kerjen" - I am so enjoying this story, especially as you weave a clever assortment of known characters with new ones just as believable. I loved "The Vulcan Academy Murders" and recognize Dr. Corrigan from that. I always have fun with new facets of old friends. Thanks for the good "reads".
- Excellent two chapters! Porr Daniel and McCoy, and all the others trying so hard to find a cure and so far being unable to.
I certainly hope Spock isn't in any further trouble, he has enough to deal with as it is.
Thank you for taking the time to continue this great story!
I find myself wanting to scream suggestions at the medical team. :)
And Saavik's gone to kick some Valeris butt :) :)
If she hits her hard enough, maybe it will straighten out her logic :)
It was nice to see Vulcans chilln' for a change, all sitting around
the office having cawffee tawk.
Can't wait for more.
I liked this little summarization chapter. Sort of gave us an overview of the situation so far and capped everything nicely.
I desperately want to know where and how and what Saavik is going and doing...
I know she's going after Valeris and that Kirk is summoning McCoy 'home' due to the Spock/Valeris mind meld situation. Do we get to see more of this in the next section? Does Saavik kick Valeris's butt? Do Spock and Saavik finally confront each other?
- I am really enjoying the story tremendously and can't wait for the next installment. I love the way old friends and enemies have been brought into the tale. I also like the fact that it discusses how and why Valeris was on board the Enterprise in ST VI and not Savik. (The films dealt with that very badly by not dealing with it at all.)
Keep up the good work. I'm waiting with bated breath to find out who the miserable rotten culprit is.
- Cliffhangers! AH! I can't wait till I have time to sit & read 2 or 3 chapters at a time. This is a gripping story!
Long, but good.
I like the confrontation. About halfway through I thought if Kerry
has Saavik leave without getting that signature, I will be *very*
I like the way Valeris plays on Saavik's feelings of inferiority. I
have never thought of Saavik as anything but a very Strong character,
but she has to have flaws and this is, given her background, probably
hers. It is easy for people she respects to make her feel inferior.
The Hellguard children were supposed to have their spirits broken.
Sometimes it seems Saavik escaped this, and sometimes it doesn't.
That Valeris can make her think that she would not be good for Spock,
hits Saavik in two vulnerable places, her inferiority complex, and
her desired relationship with Spock. I can see that this gnaws on
Saavik for a long time, even given the source of the accusations.
I like the bit about the ball. Saavik, totally clueless, and Valeris
filling her in on what everyone else saw. Spock dancing with her,
Saavik taking all his time away from the many reseachers who wanted
This chapter is very revealing of both Saavik's and Valeris
LOVED IT, LOVED IT LOVED IT!!!
I loved Rrelthiz waiting there, as Saavik's second, as a friend, just hearing and understanding, taking it all in. And being so supportive of her friend, without question. And Rrelthiz's (correct) opinion of Valeris as a creature of NO honor.
If it came to Saavik losing control she would have said whoa! But the Carreon holds similar thoughts regarding honor. And won't let Saavik cross that line from honor into vengeance.
Very well done, rings true to the characters. Man, what a kick in the gut for Saavik. It's one thing to hear and be told someone else has f****d you over but to hear it from the betrayer and when she is so vulnerable already. Valeris would love to say well, if I can't have him no one can. But Saavik gets her. I don't know, did Valeris really realize how close she came to leaving this existence?
I was waiting for the catfight! You nailed both of their personalities in a great confrontation. I liked how Saavik let Valeris have delusions of grandeur. And she stepped right where Saavik wanted her. And, although it remained unspoken, Valeris has to realize Saavik's other option. Especially with Saavik in Phase II. Saavik's willing to do anything to keep Spock safe. She's shown that. And Valeris just manipulates every one, and believes everyone is against her.
Even friends she looks to point out how she excels and where they fail. Sweet.
Still, it's so sad and incredibly poignant that all Saavik has worked for has been sabotaged
by this person who she trusted and tried to help. And Valeris still doesn't think she did anything that bad.
And Saavik's career has been damaged, her friendship with Spock has been terribly, maybe irreparably hurt. Let alone, the possible realtionship that they could have had. And she was betrayed by someone she befriended and trusted. And she's got 13 months to live, barring a medical miracle.
I'm not sure why you were fiddling with this one so long, Kerry. It's excellent! Such tightly controlled tension and nerves...
I still haven't gotten all that familiar with Valeris, but she seems to be the epitome of cattiness in this. So smug and sure of herself... she thinks she knows just what Spock needs... yet she really only sees the parts of him (and herself) that she wants to see.
I just read your chapter 8 (yes, I am way overdue, but I somehow
didn`t want to read it before my own little Valeris piece was
finished), and I agree with Joannas COM, that I also didn`t see why
Saavik brings Rlethiz with her in the first place :)
I was also a bit puzzled because I had not thought of the possibility
that Saavik would use Valeris`s weapon of threat and charge against
her, because that first seemed unhonorable to me (now that I
think of it, this is stupid and only shows I should watch more
television again, a bit coaching for storylines :)
It is a big chapter, but it never loses tension, and that`s great!
You are really good at writing this mystery story, I have a hard time
to invent a long sensible storyline (long = approx. lenght of your
chapter 8 alone :)) - and it takes a hell of a time to write it.
For Chapter 9
- Freaky! A villain watching the hybrids on surveillance screens? The deaths are behind schedule?
- I like it! Especially when I was thinking before you
wrote it, oh my, if Kirk thinks he can take her on. She'd
give him a heart attack! LOL! And his realization of what
he stepped into!!
I never did think that the disease was mirroring the
hybrid's life, but their Vulcan parent's life. Great use
of the simulator at VSE. And how they realized what Saavik
intended, her suspicions about the disease's stages.
I figured Jdehn and Arik would get together for Phase
II. And they better put Mekhai into a room with a VERY
cold shower! And nothing breakable.
And Saavik refusing to chose anyone. And her curiosity
when Amanda mentions that she knows someone who might
serve. And we know who Amanda was thinking of! And Saavik's
reaction, she does not want to go there! Part of me really
wanted Saavik to just ask I came to you on Genesis, would
you do the same for me? But what if he said no. Rejection,
the last thing she wants. But we're not getting them together
for years yet. But they REALLY need to talk!! I'd love
to have him look at the tape of Saavik's talk with Valeris,
or to talk to Rrelthiz more in depth. If she would say.
- Okay I'm hooked. I liked the confrontation between Kirk
and Saavik, though I thought Kirk knew Saavik was in Phase
Ah, turns out KIrk and I were thinking the same thing
:) Saavik was gonna off her if she didn't sign, and she
had a witness there that would probably cover for her,
if not help :)
I like it when Kirk realizes why she is reacting to
his presence in that way.
Sarek and Amanda's grief over the problem is well written
This is a good chapter. I'm trying to be patient for
- LOVED it. I like how you have them arguing inside their
minds and hearts, as well as vocally with each other. Nothing
is easy or cut and dried. Kirk starts to question what he
demanded, even as he demands answers of Saavik.
1. there's a lot of high octane emotions going on--I
love how you have Amanda wanting to try the unthinkable
to save her son. That really happens to mothers, even
when their sons commit horrible deeds.
2. I love how Sarek is trying not to lose everything--his
son and his wife, his whole point of living. It is painfully
3. I really like the physical descriptions coming in--these
prevent too much emotion and words, showing us in an instant
as it were. For example, the perfect one where Sarek comes
in and Amanda is just sitting in the rocking chair--she
hasn't sat there since Spock was little and she's uncommunicative.
Another: the claws of our favorite lizard healer against
the floor, the sound it makes in the mind instant invokes
sheer speed and tension.
4. I love how Amanda and Sarek have realized that because
they told it like it is, they've effectively cut their
own throats. And how they think even Saavik will fail--but
how she doesn't because what they knew was true, Valeris
listened to Saavik and for some reason, inspite of everything,
Saavik still matters to her--just as Valeris still matters
to Saavik. And Saavik is Valeris' last hope for something.
5. And I love how Saavik is willing to risk herself by
standing on Valeris' behalf and defense. The thing is,
I think she could convince a tribunal.
6. And I love Kirk getting in the car and Sarek being
What really gets me is how you follow the realism of
our Romulan gentleman--that everything has a price. Sarek
and Amanda must decide if saving their son is worth the
cost of using their influence/power unjustly. Saavik must
decide if one life is coinage for another's. Kirk must
decide if what he demanded of Spock without fully thinking
it through is now worth his friend's life, or the damage
it did to Valeris. Valeris must decide if her loss and
anger is worth the cost to Saavik and Spock. And Spock
and Saavik must decide if their signatures to save him
now is worth the escape/easing it will give Valeris.
They must now face past choices' fruit--and decide if
future consequences are worth escaping present woes.
Very good commentary on life and decisions/ responsibilities
And you made me laugh SO hard--between Kirk and McCoy--!
I love how Kirk thinks it's his "command voice" that's
putting her in her place and then when he realizes its
actually pon farr. . . . And just when you're thinking
O Crap! Calvary. And McCoy just laughing.
I like how Spock looks at Kirk, a friend whose logical
tells him its okay but who's heart immediately went into
the Vulcan combat rival male mode and the poor guy tried
not to let it show.
With all the heckling going on, I felt for Kirk but
Oh man was this funny! If Amanda or Spock was driving...
I was glad it was Amanda.
- Hi Kerry! Just read this section last night. Another
good one. I had some smiles from this one, from McCoy's
reaction to Kirk's actions. I wonder though, what Spock
must have felt for Saavik's situation to be laughed at this
way. I realize that it wasn't aimed at Saavik, but at Jim's
again, hasty, human, emotional reaction.
I'd like to see some of that, actually. How does Spock
feel about Saavik not choosing a 'partner' to get her
through Stage II? Does he consider volunteering himself?
Does he even think she'd agree to see him?
I do understand about the Carreon now... thanks!
Hope to see more soon!
- For Chapter 10
- I hope lives will be saved because of those signatures. I wonder if the villain knows what just happened.
- It was great to see this come out on your site. I'm
glad you are tackling it again. The story is still very
riveting. Here are the parts I particularly liked.
**The computer screen displayed a weaving figure of
dark colors that finally coalesced into a winged shape:
a predator with worlds >in its talons, the tips tainted
with emerald blood.**
I really like this image of Saavik's fevered mind,
and of familiar things appearing as threatening.
**She lost her mind to fire. A tidal wave of bio chemicals
and a hormonal rush drowned her in a sea of stimulants.
She lost to it >with the fever long denied. Like
a predator in her system, it sought an avenue of escape
but found none. No mate, no >challenger. It backlashed
against her, building up into higher levels.**
This is a very good description. You can really sense
her losing her control.
**A smooth, aged hand reached for her arm, hesitated,
and withdrew. "You look well." Again that fidgeting
motion that almost >touched her and stopped. "You
lost weight though and--" Amanda's gaze went from her
waist to her face. "--you look tired."**
The need for Amanda to touch her highlights their
relationship, Amanda's humanity, and Saavik's acceptance
of that humanity. At the same time, Saavik depends on
Amanda to bridge the gap between Saavik and Vulcan.
**That set off another sense of l'koihkeis**
**But that time was so confused, a swirl of brief images
and distorted sound, nothing to grab and make clear.**
I like her struggle to remember. It helps the reader
sort through the problem too.
**Without being conscious of it, her right hand balled
into a fist and banged on her thigh. The display was
minor, if Saavik wasn't >Vulcan.**
I like that Saavik has several characteristics that
appear in your other stories; the banging hand, the
tilt of her head. [Note from Kerry: This is the first
time I show Saavik with the fist banging against her
thigh, although I thought of this image a year ago.
I gave it to Ajeya in "Obliterate Your Tracks"
to show the inherited traits -- banging fist, tilt
to the head -- from mother to daughter. You see them
again in: Setik tilts his head the same way Saavik and
Ajeya does -- shown in "The Portrait" and "The Meeting".
T'Kel bangs her fist against her thigh -- shown in "The
Meeting". It's one of those silly things that means
something to the writer and probably no one else. ;)
**"He said he'd prefer the cats."**
LOL! A great line and play on her name.
**all Saavik saw was the communication officer's Starfleet
This was very poignant. When it comes down to it,
Saavik would give everything to Archernar to get the
cure. The stars and Spock are all she wants.
- Wow. I am in agony for Saavik. She keeps getting thrown in these
situations where she loses all control, and then has to watch the people
she cares for show such concern for her. Plus, that statement about how
"I will not be my Vulcan parent" ... very nice touch. It tells us so much
about Saavik's mindset.
I also thought it was a nice touch of having Uhura be suspicious of
Saavik at first ... since she thinks that Saavik abandoned them, and the
Enterprise crew has always been so protective of Spock. There are times
when he needs it the most.
I really like this image of Saavik's fevered mind,
and of familiar things appearing as threatening.
If Saavik were perfectly healthy, we all know Amanda would tease her
so much about Archernar. [Note from Kerry: And if Uhura wasn't in the
You know what I want to see? Archernar offer to help Saavik through
the pon farr ... in Spock's hearing.
I like her struggle to remember. It helps the reader
sort through the problem too.
- Some of my favorite sections of Chapter 10, my favorite one so far:
Brilliant imagery! I can see this all so well [and] I love your analogies! And my favorite passages…
>>She lost her mind to fire. A tidal wave of her body's chemicals and a hormonal rush drowned her in a sea of stimulants. She lost to it with the fever long denied. Like a predator in her system, it sought an avenue of escape but found none.
Her muscles began twitching with the rising, unreleased fever, and then cramped. Spasms gripped with painful claws along her back, her legs, and her neck up into her temples. The overflowing buildup ate at her mind and soul, releasing dark emotions. She screamed in a loud, suffering cry, and then screamed again, over and over in one continual sound. Something strained in her throat, and the scream stopped in sound, but her mouth still stretched to let it out as she crashed to her knees.<<
- For Chapter 11
- I love how you've written Uhura! How she feels she's home again when she returns
to working with Kirk (I have this image of Uhura carrying around a picture of the Enterprise crew to show off to her friends
-- just kidding; I love the loyalty this crew has for each other),
her expert technical skills,
and how she sympathizes for what happened to the Vulcans on Hellguard.
And now she knows about Hellguard too. I realize Saavik will know this
is for the best, but i can't help wonder how she's going to act around
them now b/c they know this deeply personal information and she'd hate it if the info colored their perception of her.
I really HATE Bass!! Hate him, hate him! Which is what you wanted us
to do, right? :D I think Kirk and Spock should get Sarek to go talk to him.
Or T'Pau. But aren't the other officers there under Starfleet's orders, which means
they weren't transferred under Bass's jurisdiction? Regardless, we are going to see Kirk
knock Bassass down to the ground, right?
I love literal Spock. "Just who does he think he is?" "Bass, Theodore,
Commodore ..." "That was rhetorical, but thank you, Mr. Spock"
And how Spock eliminated McCoy as one of the suspects.
Now, Saavik owes Archernar a debt. Neither she nor Spock will be happy.
- Another great installment, Kerry. I think what I like the most is that
the chapter is written from Uhura’s POV. In the presence of Kirk and Spock, she
assumes her old comfortable behavior, doing her job, all the while
listening to the conversations behind her, and the voice of the computer
The plot moves along nicely, and you did a good job of toughening her up.
**>Spock thought about it, then nodded. “It is the sort of situation where he insinuates himself.”**
I like this
**Why you sweet thing. It softened the blow she just saw T’xYa take. And it was harmless. This should be entertaining.**
I like these new characters.
**And then, when the very thought made Uhura close her eyes in the same graceful gesture of grief as T'xYa, she heard the unbelievable fact about so many Vulcans... raped.**
A good reaction, of course if this information affected a Vulcan, then it can affect
Uhura while still making her look like she’s toughened up from her “Captain, I’m scared.”
**She didn’t get back to sleep.**
A good ending because she wouldn’t be Uhura without being affected by the pain of
the whole situation. She’s just learned to put it aside.
- Another good chapter! I liked how the beginning shifted "moods" fast and naturally--going from the quiet despair of Saavik's sight to this sudden new action of fighting to save the hybrids.
I loved how Uhura was portrayed! Strong, intelligent, accomplished, and still very much a woman! From her natural reaction of what happened on Hellguard, putting together all of the communication system, foreshadowing her work in Intelligence, the wonderful exchange with Archernar (and her reactions to the woman in the scene and his focusing on Saavik), to her finally giving in to the thoughts about what it must have been like for those women carrying hybrids and not being able to sleep.
**Uhura *knew* Saavik's past was violent, brutal, but never in the report she overhead Saavik give Nogura were these harsh details described.** This is VERY good--each time they think they KNOW Saavik or UNDERSTAND her, something opens up and they see her new. This
enhances their view of her as it makes some things they didn't understand or found they didn't like or whatever make more sense. Like more pieces click in place and it takes some of the hurt away of Valeris' tricks--they see more of the woman, the Saavik, they obviously didn't know well enough before.
I loved seeing Archernar! And how he goes from the rouge charmer to intently focused on Saavik.
**Archernar's next reply wasted no time on polite conversation and was only one line. "How ill is she?"** This is a superb insight line into his true feelings for her. So good to see him again! And when does he call in that favor from Saavik!
**From the day they assigned a Starfleet unit here, I've never met
any commanders who Starfleet wasn't burying here because they were in trouble or marking time at a desk job until their retirement."** Grimace, a good set up for the future story on Saavik being "assigned" here herself after that whole problem.
I also liked the minor characters brought in here. Like Bass to add tension to what's going on already, the dignity of T'xYa, and the sweetness of Uhura's admirer reinforcing again Uhura's accomplishments and attractiveness.
Last, I like the sense of "home" Uhura feels in working with Kirk again.
**She didn’t get back to sleep.** no kidding--perfect "ending" by the way.
- For Chapter 12
For Chapter 13
- This is so very beautiful and utterly painful all at the same time.
I do like how you give Spock and Saavik's relationship the dignity of NOT being easily fixed. That would mock the depth of their mutual losses and make their relationship superficial. You have enhanced and deepened everything by making it a real struggle.
This chapter has incredible heart-- every time I see that box with the letter in my mind's eyes, I feel linked right into the characters' pain and their struggle.
You should be very pleased with Race of Cain. Like Spock's Chagall painting, it is, after all, a story about what happens after one is driven from
- Nicely done. Looking forward to seeing the rest of the story. Love this work. I am really hoping Spock get hold of the bad guy and rips him a new one.
- That was damn perfect.
You caught the entire tortured whole relationship perfectly. What I really enjoyed was not only how the chapter made me feel the strong torn state the hybrids exist in, but the way you made it more than that--that it broadened into the state their families are trapped in as well. That made it a much harder style to write, and far more successful in carry out.
- Oh! It's so wondeful to see more of The race of Cain. I'm so excited I barely can read it all... Oh, Tks god, you're continuing this story, that, in my point of view (and imho) is the best storyline on Star Treks' fanfiction. I think you may write a book with this one!
It's exhilarating. I'll be waiting for more!
- It sounds like a lovely monument, and I think you captured the feelings of the hybrids well. They don't feel like they belong anyplace and they have that same denial of self worth that Saavik
has at this age. I thought the mannerisms of Arik told this story well.
- OMG, this was a wonderful story. I was actually crying by the time I finished it. I could actually picture Saavik down there as well.
- I like reading about these hybrids and their difficult relation with themselves. The scene in the memorial is very powerful, and gets you feeling (and let's stress that the word is feel) with the hybrids and the Vulcans. It's emotive, and no cold species could ever create a place that stirs so many emotions, in its simple and subtle way.
For Chapter 14
That was very good! It's good to see more of their characters--how they see Hellguard and Vulcan and all the frustration and yet sense of duty still pricking them. Excellent way to add to the plot, keep it moving, and yet develop out the reader's connections. Now I'm DYING to find out what he wants with Saavik!
I also like what Jdenn feels about Saavik--brought on, possibly, by a mix of guilt, jealousy, unresolved issues, and anger. Saavik's life has turned out very different from the others' in all aspects save one, the past still isn't completely healed even for her. Ironically, all of them need each other, even while they feel a deep seated compulsion to push each other away. The psychology/socialogy of this story is very intriguing.
- I loved the new chapter. I read it before finishing my own story.
- Oh no! What an evil cliffhanger! This is a fabulous story, very suspenseful and exciting! I can't wait to read more!
- I like it. I have had to read it with interruptions, but I really wanted to read it until the end. This is a too wonderful story to let unfinished and I hope you write more soon. You're doing well, really.
Another thing I like in this chapter, that we see again the pain of the hybrids, all those open wounds they don't know how to heal. I think it's very good writing.
- Love this one. I can hardly wiat for more. This fan fiction offers a unique view on hellguard and I have to admit I like the interplay between Saavik and Spock.
- Sorry it took me so long to feedback. I was out of town, but I read it in the car on the trip on my PDA. I like it a lot. The story seems to be coming to together and some of the mystery is beginning to resolve itself. I like the idea of Saavik crewing with them. It would be a great plot device. There's so much you could do with conflict and resolution between these characters.
- Very good story - I can’t wait for the rest!
For Chapter 15
- What a great surprise I got when I got home from work Friday night. I love the new chapter. I read it fast and then went back to savor it a little. I can't wait to see what Arik and Saavik were talking about.
- --Wow better and better more soon I hope. I can hardly wait to read the whole thing again. As one whole piece.
- What a wonderful way to come back home! Thank you very much for the new chapter. It's very interesting. I hope I can read more soon, if that is possible.
- VERY good! Excellent variation of plot momentum--not only does it give the reader time to THINK, but it makes the story flow naturally.
Saavik is going to be all OVER Spock--grin, with a lirpa. I would be absolutely FURIOUS. Saavik, and the others, would rightly feel some serious resentment and anger over this interference, redirection of information, and possible exclusion (or allowed only partial or filtered access). We'll see how T'Pau manages to handle it! Grin--and Spock!
And now I'm WAY curious to know what Arik asked Saavik!
- I enjoyed the chapter – but of course I can’t wait for the rest! I love your web site but have now read all the stories so am always happy for a new one.
For Chapter 16
- Loved it!! Almost burned a pan of brownies because I forgot they were in the oven while I was reading this. Thanks for sharing with me.
- I really enjoyed chapter 16 – It is a relief to have Spock and Saavik talking again!! It was painful to have them estranged.
Looking forward to another chapter.
- My only critique is that there's been no update! I need more of your story. :) Thanks.
- What I REALLY enjoy about this chapter is the last half--it is so painful yet so in character for both of them that I really REALLY enjoyed it. Very good insight into not only Spock and Saavik but in some of the most painful issues of life--trust, guilt, forgiveness, renewal. Of how really hard it is to start again--and how very much it needs love to dare the tremendous fear of loss again.
No kidding, this is an extremely important chapter--vital, I'd say, to Spock and Saavik and the story itself--she NEEDS this chapter if she is going to survive.
And SUPERB way of capturing Valeris' effect on them both. And it was pure delight in how you caught Spock and Saavik so perfectly.
For Chapter 17
- Okay. I just have to say it. You are really mean to just leave me hangin' there. Now I will be back to checking my email 3 times a day for a new chapter. That really causes my housework to go to hell. That said, I really enjoyed the new chapter. Thanks.
- Wow this is fantastic. The cliffhanger is a bummer but it is good.
- I REALLY enjoyed this chapter! It is a difficult thing to battle others. It is a far more bitter and violent battle to fight yourself. And that is what each of these survivors are doing. I appreciate the fact that you don't lessen it or ease it. It makes it real and emotional to the reader.
Anyway, superb job--and what a BRUTAL place to leave us!!!! Grin. Wickedly clever you!
- Very good chapter, Kerry! I remember you saying you felt the last chapters weren't as good as the one in the memorial. I think you can't say that of this one, no matter how hard you try.
I like that you show all these different unknown characters with their little particular details.
I also like very much that Saavik says, “Must we discuss every brutality? The ones done to me? The ones I committed?”, as Spock remembers in "Obliterate the tracks" or in another of your stories; I can't remember right now which one. It's good to have the reference in the past and see it happening now.
I also enjoyed the presence of the three VSE officers, that we know from the MU; it's good to have them around here too.
For Chapter 18
- Great! You updated! That made my day! I really liked how you made the connection between V'ger and Sybok, and that the reason why Kirk freaked out about Spock never telling him about his half-brother was because he took a long time implicitly trusting Spock after he left for Gol. That made perfect sense to me, although it was an angle I had never seen before. Thanks again for updating--off to Ch. 19!
For Chapter 19
- Another excellent chapter! I am so glad that Spock and Saavik have started to repair their relationship. I too have wondered why Saavik's heritage never got much face-time in the movies, since it seemed to me like her hybrid mix is much more volatile than Spock's. Thank you!
- Excellent as usual! Hopefully Saavik won't seek any sort of revenge.
- This is great, it's almost like I'm reading a book. You should publish professionally.
This is such a good story! I love the little details about the characters and the different cultures you give, the ones that make them individuals. The small parts create the big story; they are the ones that make it works, that make it feel real. Which is a very good idea, because in Vulcan there must be a lot of diversity as there is in Earth, especially considering that diversity is important to them.
I'm a bit in tension now, waiting for the next action, the next development. I really hope you give us more soon, Kerry, because waiting is a form of torture.
For Chapter 20
- Another chapter, thank you!! What a good surprise!
And finally it seems we have some clues about our misterious killer, even if we have had to pay a very high price. Would Saavik remember? Or would the guard? Can they practice some kind of Vulcan hypnosis to do so?
This story is so thrilling! I hope you can write more soon. I need to know all the details.
For Chapter 21
- You have really surprised me in this chapter. I haven't expected none of the two moves, not even if now that I think of it, they are quite logical. I loved the references to the past: Hellguard and the foster families. I love learning more details about Saavik's childhood, and they were well written linking us with the present.
And then again, you let us wanting more, in suspense, hoping you write once again soon.
For Chapter 22
- What a couple of tense chapters! I thought for sure we were going to find out the identity of the killer, or killers, but not yet. Great cliffhanger as well!
For Chapter 23
For Chapter 24
- I want to congratulate Dasan. He's good! I imagine myself in his situation and no matter how much the Vulcans helped me, I would have been unable to say anything about the person that was with Saavik. He's very observant. I liked him in the chapter, interacting with the others, instead of having him just mentioned along with his contribution.
The part when the Vulcan healers are confronted for not telling about the meeting, their logical reply that it wasn't a hate group and Kirk wondering if they were telling him the truth or just smartly twisting it was my favorite, though. I really enjoyed those paragraphs.
And now, after having reflected about what is going on, back to action, it seems. So Jdehn and Mekhai have fallen. This killer is really speeding things up! And I hope you also continue writing this fast so I can read next chapter very soon! ;-)
For Chapters 25 - 27
- Wow. Loved the three chapters. Very poignant. If writing them was the reason why you were silent, you can continue so. I admit I have skipped my Chinese class to read them. Just couldn't stop reading. Don't tell that to my teacher, for her, I'm sick right now, which is in part true. ;-)
- I really like Saavik's house. Oh no, Phase III has begun early! Poor Saavik!
For Chapter 28
- Am I first? AM I first? (Bounce, bounce)
I was getting so sad reading this especially when McCoy wanted Spock
to be be with Saavik at the end and then comes this line...
> "Excellent isn't the word for it! It was so good, I could kiss you!" Saavik took a large step back from McCoy.
...And I nearly spit what I was eating across the room! So clearly I
could see it, Saavik avoid McCoy without a trace of emotion on his
face, while McCoy's face drops and Jim is forced to try to hold it
But anyway, your writing is so good, it inspires me to write better
and to get the facts right before I write because, obviously, as
you've shown, writing the characters as they are is enough, and they
stand out in front of you, acting before your eyes.
- Excellent!!! Very well done. Great movement and suspense. The disease is thoroughly explained, but not too much is given away about the whodunit. One can, however, feel the crescendo of the 'reveal' approaching. I also really love the humorous twist at the end!
For Chapter 29
- Will you show us more of the killer, of what his thoughts and feelings were and what happened that moment when he took control over his brother just before dying? I'd love to read more, but I don't know if you have it planned in your next chapters; probably you have other ideas in mind. I won't tell you this has been a surprise for me; that's the problem of having read the spoilers before reading the story. But you know I was surprised and at the same time very pleased when I first learnt of your plans. I really like this idea of yours. Very clever.
For Chapter 30
- I so love this work. I think you have captured the characters perfectly. I hope you do a sequel soon. I also love the ones with the adult children of Saavik and Spock. Love to see more of them as well.
- Still an excellent piece of work and thank you for updating. Please keep it going.
- Nice story! You are a very talented writer, and I like your style. Keep writing!
For Chapter 31
For Chapter 32
For Chapter 33
- Absolutely terrific! I reflect back on the entire story and it amazes me! It is so deep in character, so rich in detail, so full of emotion and suspense, action and drama. The climax really delivers a knockout punch! Incredible twists and turns along the way with the best one saved for last; the killer already demised, or is he? What a wonderul
tale you have crafted and you do yourself a great injustice if you don't send it for consideration to be published. Thank you for so many hours of enjoyment in reading it! I want to read the last 3 chapters again so I can pickup what I missed. I read it on the edge of my seat and I want to do it again! Congratulations!