I loved this whole thing! I had fun reading it!! Tight and powerful, superb and hard hitting
insights into Saavik, her mother, Spock, and the relationships of them
all--past, present, and future. Hopeful and despairing all at once. Release
and catching all at once. Beautiful.
Man, when you nail something, the ring can be heard in the parallels!
I liked how you jumped right into the action rather than at the beginning,
then neatly inserted the beginning in the discussion between the captain and
Spock and Saavik. VERY good.
And you made a strong female enemy, one that doesn't loose her essential
womanness even as she is deadly. You've got a superior knack with being
able to balance characters this way. No cardboard.
And AHH! PERFECT ENDING! Scary! What's even more scary: what if Saavik's siblings find out?
I'm glad you didn't make Ajeya absolutely evil. Saavik's Romulan parent deserves to be
presented in ALL her self--good, bad, indifferent. Each part enhances the
others, making her breathing and real. I like how you've caught a neat
twist. She started out doing an ugly thing for a good end, trying to pull
her family/House back into success. But like we know with Valeris, the
means cannot be justified by the ends. And she fell hard. And she hasn't
recovered. Perhaps this is the real reason she is truly hunting Saavik.
Because of what Saavik represents: failure of hope. And the realization
that the honor she had tried to save, she actually ended up sacrificing. It
would have been better to retain it and remain a low standing house, than to
loose it in the gamble to become a high one.
And she seems, curiously enough, to feel very alone.
Great character, worthy of being Saavik's Romulan parent.
Well.... I think I might be speechless...
Ummm...... no, not quite yet.... WOW! Excellent job as always!
I was beginning to get the idea that there was a personal connection between
the two of them... but not the one that you made. I can see it though...
I love Romulan stories. Great job!
WOW! That was a read! More please!
Okay, more questions now. So Ajeya has children (more possibilities)
and she escapes! To be continued... please?
I loved how you described the little physical similarities of gesture
and mannerisms between the two of them. And how Spock recognizes
what Saavik doesn't see.
Loved it, Kerry! What a great villan you've created. A nice recurring
foil for Saavik AND Spock.
Not identifying who the "prisoner" is at first builds suspense. Of
course the Saavitistas know :), but a more general audience will not.
"No sign of recognition. Was that instinctive momentary feeling of
disappointment or relief?" - Good, I don't like to see the rihannsu portrayed as wanton murders. I
want to see why they behave they way they do. What forces in their
society drive them?
"Saavik -- no, the *prisoner*!" - Ah Ha, using her name gives Saavik power. Very Romulan.
"*He* had stared up with eyes burning as his body was ravaged by the damage done him, forcing a
thin layer of control over himself as she stalked around him with the upper hand." - Saavik's father, right? If so then it fits in well with Spock's
comments that she favors her father more.
"And who were we?" - Okay, here I have to go with previous comments. You really had me
here. I thought this was another of Thierrull's children until Spock
becomes suspicious later.
"Saavik, I suggest becoming captured only further limits the minor
amount of time we've had to see each other since we were betrothed
four point seven three years ago." - Cute.
"Gladly. You first." - I like this whole scene of the men in Saavik's life.
I really like that Spock notices the similarities between mother and
daughter. Perhaps he can keep this secret from her for now, but
eventually they will meld deeply. Won't she discover it then, or at
least know he is hiding something important?
"Not the other hybrids: Saavik. Hers. Then the pride was squelched with such ferocity, Spock doubted he
could appeal to it. " - Like that the villan is characterized here.
"I didn't name her, the scientists in charge of everything did." Interesting. A lab animal gets a silly name, cheese-eater, squeaky,
little cat... Never the same name you would name a *person*. You might actually
begin to feel something for them if you did that.
I enjoyed this story. I would like to see another run in with Ajeya.
Or her children?
Fabulous story! You always have such involved and
dramatic plots. This is great.
That ending is leaving it just wide wide open for a sequel, you
know. You're a sadist. Don't worry, though, cause on this subject I think I'm kind
of a masochist.
::stares blankly at the screen:: just when I thought I
had found some pattern to your work, however brilliant, you come up with this?? God Erin, this is
truly stunning!! I'm literally gasping with raw descriptions.
I would never have guessed, you have true talent for
Romulans, the subtle little and quickly repressed surges of pride combined with the breathtaking
confrontation with Spock makes her a wonderfully rich and believable character.
The confrontation with Spock left me breathless, the
realistic way you portrayed both their reactions, Her relentless attack and Spock's complete but shaken
loyalty to Saavik.
You were serious about developing Howes weren't you? I
just love how his outrage masked his deep concern.
And I elected Saavik the protective one? WOW Spock
certainly gave it to Howes didn't he? Wonderful description of his almost instinctive need to protect
her. How Howes turned it around on him was so well done.
::gives standing ovation (well not really but you
I think my favorite part of the story was how the title really describes the entire story.
I liked Ajeya .. she was a walking mass of internal contradictions. And I bet she's just kicking herself for not taking Saavik
when she had the chance .. Saavik could have helped to restore honor to her house.
I liked Spock's line of how we're blind to things in front of us if they involve us .. here's what I wonder.
Would Saavik see it if her children had those characteristics?
Anonymous:submitted to ffn
- More, please!
Keridwen:submitted to ffn
- OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! I LOVED IT! Please write a sequel. I'll give you my lucky Tomato if you do!
Oyala:submitted to ffn
- Well written. More to come?