Time Period: between Chapters 3 and 4 of The Race of Cain. You don't need to read that story to read this.Why did he stand at the door and not go in? He was not a pre-kahs-wan boy or that youth serving under Pike or the man back to the Enterprise from Gol.

So why hesitate?

Spock stepped forward and the door slid aside. And he hesitated.

Saavik laid on the hospital bed in a deep healing sleep as she combatted the disease created to destroy Hellguard's survivors. Her eyelashes laid dark against her pale skin. The bones pushed harshly against the tissue thin, light pallor forming hollows in their valleys. She was dressed in light gray hospital fatigues, a sheet pulled up to her waist. It made her look fragile and weak.

A rush of protectiveness came over him, pushing aside anything else for a moment.

She was supposed to be safe from it. The medical team thought the disease was a reaction to something on Vulcan and since Saavik wasn't always here, they hoped she would escape.

Spock took another step.

This was only the second time he had seen Saavik in the cold, barren years since she sent him a letter saying she had found out he had grown attracted to her. Even hoped she would consider him as a bondmate.

She had said no in the letter and said she wanted no contact with him ever again


However… now.

Now they knew the letter was a fake allowing Valeris access to him and the Enterprise. Saavik had never said any of it.


In reality, she had received a letter supposedly from Spock. It was why her eyes bled pain and betrayal when she saw him for the first time in these bleak years.

She'd hear him if he spoke. Spock knew that from experience. And he so wanted to say something to her. Anything.


He took another step. Then one more. Wanting to reach out lifted the darkness laying on his chest, making it hard to breathe. He could see now that her beautiful features were serene, not frail. Color came back to her pallor and she breathed easily.

Then Spock thought of how he'd have to tell her just how much he ended everything. How could he do that? Both destroy things then and tell her now?

Saavik's breathing increased. Her head turned towards him and her eyes darted behind her lids. As close as he stood, did she sense him? He had been the last thing she saw before this sleep. Could she—

Did she dream of him?

Her hands laid on top of the blanket. If he… touched her, it would say more than words ever could.


She could reject him for real this time.

He reached, hesitating, his fingertips hovering over hers—

The door slid open and the nurse on duty for Saavik's room, S'xyj, came in. He stopped at the sight of Spock.

His dark eyebrows lifted on his obsidian colored forehead. "Visiting hours are over, Spock. Unless you are on her emergency access list."

"No." Not after the forged letters. But. Perhaps…

Spock agreed to his needing to leave with a nod and turned to leave. He suddenly realized Saavik did not know about Valeris sending the letters. If she dreamed of him, they might be nightmares.

He glanced back.

Saavik's head turned once more and he drew strength that she may, just may, dream of him and dream of pleasant moments.

And that he may, just may, find a way to tell her everything.